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Babe

SJ Muffler Man

By Carl Fisher

May 24^th, 2015

Towering presence

If you were walking down the Alameda in San Jose, just a few steps from my place, you will likely encounter a giant, causing you to ask yourself “Who is this gleaming, white colossus?” or, if you were in a friskier mood, “Who is that Babe?”. Well, I don’t know his origins (although they tell me there’s this really neat info storehouse called “the internet” that is all knowing), but he has been towering over the parking lot of a local business for as long as I’ve lived in the area (and for many years before that, I’m sure). He’s definitely a throwback to another time. A time when neon was de riguer and oversized objects were the epitome of marketing sophistication. And he’s held up well, despite his ghostly white complexion and constant exertion. No need for botox, tummy tucks, or special creams to conceal those annoying sun-induced skin blotches. He’s as crease-free and svelte as the day he was erected. What’s his secret? I suspect it’s the steel-reinforced skeleton, fiberglass exterior, and the bucolic California weather. He has lost a little color over time, but it’s nothing a fresh coat of paint couldn’t fix. Besides, the pale look is sexy in some circles. Tall, light, and handsome. It gives one that bookish, nerdy look that is trending in the Valley right now. It’s a pretty good sign that one is spending way too much time coding and not nearly enough spreading around that audacious wealth. Definitely a potential friend with benefits.

Babe

And what’s up with the Babe? The name, I mean. It is a rather odd choice for a muffler shop. The official name is “Babes & Lightning Muffler”. They even have a website. How far they have come. So much more than just mufflers. Not sure what the “Lightning” is all about. Extraordinarily fast service? What will strike if they fix it right the first time? What will happen to your wallet at the culmination of your visit (or is that another kind of lightening?).

DeMuffled

If that was all there was to the story, I wouldn’t have even started (well, maybe I would have. There are only so many novelties out there). About a year ago I spotted Babe sans muffler. What the heck!!!?? Who would steel his muffler? I know they are stripping the wiring out of unfinished houses, but this was almost too much to bear. What was the world coming to? I was pretty distraught, to say the least. Even he sensed that something was amiss. He’d lost his irrepressible smile. It was dark times indeed.

Shafted

A few weeks later (after a transition period where he was holding just a pipe (the neighborhood really is safe, I assure you)), he was reborn. A new Babe had emerged. Well, maybe not totally new, but he was no longer carrying that banal piece of pipe. He had a new shaft in his hands (of the family friendly variety). That of a hockey stick. How did he know what was so near and dear to my heart? It was especially appropriate because of Babe’s location. He is situated a few short blocks from the Shark Tank. Home to a once illustrious hockey team that has recently fallen on hard times. Perhaps this new icon will inspire local hockey fans to stand up to the Shark’s management and demand that they ice a team that will get past the first round (or at least make the playoffs). But enough of my ranting about the toothless Sharks. It was truly a brave new world. It renewed my faith in the world and made it worth springing out of bed each morning. Okay, that might be a bit of an overstatement, but it is nice to see my homey clutching more than the arid California air.